How have you been? What have you been doing since Feb. 14?

Consider this column a gentle reminder that, while we’re all feeling a little out of control now, there are a lot of things you and I can do to feel stronger and more secure.
It’s important to lay down positive coping mechanisms for the trauma we’ve experienced, and that takes some effort. Fortunately, NIU and the surrounding community are there to help with resources and activities.

Two examples: NIU is providing free counselors we can “touch base” with in the Campus Life Building. They are awesome. And the Kishwaukee YMCA has opened its doors to us for free until Monday.

Don’t turn away from this help. The time is right to reach out.

Alongside the grief and the anger and the dazed or vulnerable feelings cropping up inside of us, we have much to be proud of and much to be thankful for. I witnessed — as I’m sure many of you did — some really courageous, kind, insightful actions Feb. 14.

While that’s always the silver lining in such situations, it’s also one source of the confusion we feel. In one moment, we saw the best of life and humanity — and the worst. Because of this, from one moment to the next, we’ll probably have some uncontrollable and powerful feelings and emotions.

It’s normal after such trauma to have some guilt over our survival. And certainly we have a lot of grief over the loss of our classmates and friends and our innocence as a community. We may have anger at our helplessness, at our violation, at our fear.

It’s OK to feel these things. Go easy on yourself.

This is all heavy stuff for anyone, but even more for bright, young, vibrant students on the verge of beginning productive lives. As a non-traditional older student on campus, I was really proud of the way you handled and extended yourselves to each other that day. Please keep it up.

Be kind. Be generous. Be active.

Ways to protect and nurture yourself and others around you:
Attend as many structured events, remembrances, tributes as possible. Though you may want to hunker down alone, it’s really better for you to surround yourself with people going through the same thing. Bonus: You’ll help others with your presence and support, too.

Seek out your best friends — old and new. Turn to those who have given you the best advice in the past, who you respect the most and who you feel the most secure with. Lean on them and let them lean on you right now.

Seek out counseling resources. Even if you don’t think you need it, being open to support from the pros not only ups the chances that you’ll find positive ways of coping with those runaway emotions, but it will do wonders for your self-confidence. You’ll feel great about being grown-up and taking care of yourself. How cool is that?

Try to limit computer time. Seek out good, old fashioned face-to-face contact with others. I know, it sounds so ‘80’s — but it works.

Playing cards or board games, working on your car, playing with your pet or going dancing with friends are a few suggestions.

Do “normal” things. Work to get yourself back in sync by sticking to your normal daily routine as best you can. Take your daily shower, gas up your car, make your bed. (Not in that order, of course.)

Eat right, sleep right. All those typical things we all know we should be doing serve an even stronger purpose now in getting you back on track. Get at least eight hours of sleep a night, and pick one night to cook — that’s right, get in the kitchen, even if it’s not your usual thing — for yourself and the ones you love. Following a recipe and whipping up a meal can get your focus off things for a while and be very nurturing, too.

Get some exercise — together. Try to find group exercise activities such as bowling, going to the gym together or even building a snowman or making snow angels together with friends. Anything that will get you away from your computer, out of your house and active with each other earns you an A+.

Get creative. Art therapy can be a fun way to process painful and difficult experiences. Journal, paint, draw, compose music — whatever your favorite forms of expression, go for it.

Editor’s note: Meagher is a national expert on post-traumatic stress disorder and its relation to veterans of the Iraq war. Last December, she testified before a congressional committee on the subject.

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