“Everything Is Wrong With You” by Wendy Molyneux (2008)

Rating: 8/10

The title says it all.

Molyneux’s guide to shameless self-loathing takes 180 rainbow-colored pages to let readers know their self-doubt isn’t just in their heads.

The book is armed with quizzes to help with self-reflection. Molyneux has forged letters from bona fide self-help gurus, such as Tyra Banks, Dr. Phil and Britney Spears. If a reader is wondering whether her husband is cheating, Jennifer Aniston offers words of advice. Kate Moss writes to encourage illegal drug use in favor of shedding those last five pounds.

There’s even a nifty section telling readers why getting that face transplant will solve all their problems. Need help cooking? This book is totally about multitasking. In a list of helpful cooking terms, Molyneux writes, “Braise: Hmmm. It kind of sounds like ‘bra.’ Maybe it’s to cook something in a bra? Yeah, let’s go with that.”

Molyneux has created a self-help/cooking/beauty/talk show/plastic surgery manual, all in one. Major kudos to her for accomplishing in one book what Oprah had to take over the world to do.
Sure, the writer of “The Megan Mullally Show” is funny, hands down. However, it’s a bit hard to take 180 pages of loud, brutally honest fun in one, two or even 10 sittings. It’s a great read in short spurts, but one can only take so many quizzes in one day.

Molyneux is like that friend in high school who is so self-deprecating and cynical that she seemed funny at first. But after a while, others started to wonder, “Does she really think that? Should I really have a second head surgically attached to my shoulder? Maybe it would give me someone to talk to ... ”

To Molyneux, this question is easily answered. Simply look in the mirror and ask, “Do I look like Angelina Jolie?” Since the answer is “no,” reread the section titled “Plastic Surgery: A Subtle Way to Tell the Baby Jesus He Made You Wrong.”

Seriously, she’s just trying to help. Do take it personally.

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