Shh, it’s the first week of September, which means fall season premieres are starting to awaken and emerge from the recesses of summer programming.

“Bones” is taking its first steps of the season on FOX with a two-hour premier starting at 7 p.m. While in London, Brennan and Booth are asked by the local officials to investigate the murder of an heiress. Don’t ask me what any of those words mean, however. Though I fancy myself a television expert, my specialty does not reside in crime shows.

Competing for the same life-nurturing sustenance that is the audience is The CW’s “America’s Next Top Model.” This wobbly-legged creature too shall begin this year’s struggle for ratings at 7 p.m. Darwin would be quite proud of this youngling. It has adapted to a desensitized audience by developing a new offensive weapon: a transgender contestant. The other television programs have no idea what they are in for.

Making its inaugural broadcast on the green fields of Television-dom is FX’s “Sons of Anarchy” beginning at 9 p.m. This bright-eyed–and-bushy-tailed drama follows a motorcycle club as it shelters its small town against drug dealers, corporate developers and civic-minded law officers while also protecting its illegal arms business. Though the show may be an inexperienced creature in a land of beasts, it has two features that help its odds of surviving:

1) FX’s hereditary razor-sharp edginess
2) Ron Perlman and Katey Sagal

The other giant in this week’s television landscape is the Republican National Convention, which is lumbering in a number of different locations, all beginning at 9 p.m.

As for myself, as much as I enjoy the miracle of life that is season premieres, I choose to study and learn from “The Daily Show” and “The Colbert Report” on Comedy Central beginning at 10 p.m. They shall both be lampooning all things politic as they continue their existence in their untouchable niche.

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