Dear George,


I’m not a rocket scientist, nor of a similarly geeky vocation, but even I can see that you have indeed placed a heavy emphasis on using your final days in office to right your many wrongs. If I may impart, I have a few suggestions of my own that should aid you in your final days.

More politicians singing
If John Ashcroft’s 2002 rendition of “Let the Eagle Soar” was any indication of the power of song, I feel passing a one-day federal law demanding all departing politicians to sing at nationally televised press conferences. A heartfelt rendition of Bruce Springsteen’s “Born to Run” should help mend the souring economy and change the dejected opinion other countries have of America.

More random celebrity White House visits
In between meetings with British Prime Minister Gordon Brown and President-elect Barack Obama, you’ve invited Bono, Kid Rock and the entire New York Giants football team to visit you at the White House. But why stop there? What can the U2 frontman offer you that, say, Keanu Reeves cannot? Imagine the press you’d receive for such a visit, and the headlines: “Keanu Reeves on White House: ‘Whoa’.”

More obnoxious holiday celebrations
Last month, your Christmas tree was a couple dozen feet tall and had thousands of lights. That’s a start, Mr. President, but this writer hardly thinks your celebratory holiday traditions are up to snuff. The Chicago River goes green every St. Patrick’s Day, so what’s stopping you from showing the Potomac the same courtesy? Or giving us hardworking chums the full day off on Father’s Day? Come on, I’m sure your pops wouldn’t object.

More giving
In the spirit of Thanksgiving, you donated turkeys to hungry families. For Christmas, you sent out warm wishes to our troops overseas. But what have you done for us lately? My suggestion: Blood drive. And if you need a celebrity guest to endorse it, I’m sure Hall of Fame NFL quarterback Warren Moon would be game for an appearance. Yet somehow I couldn’t see this particular event ending well -- something about “no blood for Oilers.”

Best of luck in future endeavors,

Derek Walker

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