As allegations of dating violence swirl around Chris Brown and Rihanna, the topic has become a media forefront.

Yet while others may feel domestic abuse is not at all common, it not only exists but happens at NIU.

“I have realized how common it is,” said Community Adviser Marjean Pobuda. “You don’t think it’ll happen on your floor, then it does, and then it does again.”

Pobuda has had cases of dating violence on her floor both years of being a community adviser.
A lot of times, dating violence can start as just an argument and then it will escalate. There are signs that someone may be abusive just by his or her actions.

“The best tell-tale signs are over-controlling, possessiveness, jealousy,” said psychology professor Alan Rosenbaum. “They want all their time, and there is no talking to other men. Any signs of possessiveness or jealousy or men who are excessively dependent.”

Pobuda said there was a case of a student on her floor who was in an abusive relationship.

“She came onto the floor very happy, wanting to meet new people,” Pobuda said. “She seemed on the ball with school, good with making friends and seemed like she was creating her niche at NIU. Then she began isolating herself.”

Pobuda said the victim became less involved with other people. The victim no longer cared about her looks and developed dark circles under her eyes.

People who are abusive oftentimes will turn the blame onto the victim.

“In programs that treat batterers, they would a lot of times say ‘she deserved it,’” Rosenbaum said.

In all cases the abuse is very detrimental to the victim.

“There are lots of long-term physical problems as a result of the stress,” Rosenbaum said. “They become very depressed and most likely this leads to depression. Their self-esteem is really bad, and they feel degraded and feel really bad about themselves. They tend to wonder if they are worthwhile and are very anxious about any other relationships.”

If students have any questions about violence, they should contact their community adviser or call the police.

Dating violence is scary for all that are around it, and what’s even scarier is how frequent it occurs.

Sophomore psychology major Elisabetta Rajkovich said there was a case of an overbearing boyfriend on her floor last year.

“There was this girl who was in an abusive relationship on my floor last year, and the floor wouldn’t let the guy on it,” Rajkovich said. “At first we thought he was just a creeper, because he would just sit in the lounge and wait for her, and no one was there. And then things just got worse.”

All comments are moderated before being published. We will not edit your comments, but we also will not approve those that are abusive, off-topic, attack another poster or contain information we know to be libelous or false.

During peak weekday viewing times, most comments will be reviewed within six hours. For more detailed information, click here.

After submitting your comment, check below for a confirmation message.

• Your name:
• Enter text from image:
  

• Your comment:

* 300-character count. HTML formatting will not display.