Practically every American has heard of David Letterman’s scandal.

Jay Leno and SNL, among others, have been cracking jokes. Maybe Letterman’s extortionist had a point though: After all, money is a bit tight for everyone these days.

The famed man behind the extortion attempt is Robert “Joe” Halderman, one of the producers for “48 Hours.”

Maybe the profits for the show were simply not cutting it for this entrepreneur. However, there are certainly more creative ways of extorting someone, especially David Letterman.

1. Change Worldwide Pants’ policy to make sexual relationships between managers and employees illegal. Without a doubt, this will lead to the company’s demise.

2. Kidnap the writer for Letterman’s infamous Top 10 lists. Without the lists, the show will undoubtedly fall apart, a greater consequence than $2 million.

3. Threaten to air an entire segment of “Stupid Human Tricks” and “Stupid Pet Tricks” with a superimposed image of Letterman’s face where the other not-as-stupid faces should be.

4. Promise everything, including employment opportunities, to Letterman, only to have them given to Jay Leno.

5. Kindly ask for $2 million. Outing Letterman’s promiscuous activities should be considered an act of public service, not a crime. Grand larceny is simply the court’s way of saying thank you.

Strapped for cash? Follow one of these suggestions in order to become $2 million richer. In the end, $2 million is chump change for someone like David Letterman. So go ahead and take him for all he’s worth. The ambition and opportunities involved with this endeavor are unlimited.

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