Published on Friday, May 9, 2008

Rant: Infomercials are the answer to sleeping pills, and they give great dreams too!

By BEN GROSS

I’ve been burning a lot of midnight oil with finals approaching.

With little time for sleep I’ve found nothing helps me drift off quick like infomercials. One in particular that helps is that NutriSystem one with Dan Marino.

I don’t like the commercial because it’s good by any means, but simply because when I fall asleep it gives me awesome dreams.

For example, last week I had a dream with Dikembe Mutombo. The NBA center was helping to pitch the Healthy Hand Gym from Hand Health Unlimited. Now it all makes sense where he got that awesome finger waving skill!

Or then there was my dream on Monday night. There was Cedric Benson helping to sell Activeforever.com’s weighted shoes. I think someone should tell the running back he should invest in a normal pair of cleats for the 2008-09 NFL season.

But my favorite dream came last night. It happened so fast, but it was so clear. Ozzie Guillen was running his mouth right and left, when that girl from Orbit gum gave him a piece.

Boom, Guillen’s mouth was cleaned up in a second – and all by a Wrigley product. Best dream ever!