Published on Monday, February 16, 2009

Traffic lights pose problems for pedestrians

By LETTER WRITER

As the days seem to never get warmer and the groundhog cowardly scurries back in his den like Shaggy from Scooby-Doo, we all would like to make our walks to class as short as possible.

This, however, cannot be done until the pedestrian traffic lights are repaired.

Yeah, yeah, I know the rules of the road: when the lanes closest to you have a red light, the pedestrians are free to cross the street; however, half the time the pedestrian lights never change. The end result is me pacing back and forth deciding whether or not I have the right-of-way like a conservative playing Frogger.

Well, a) I don’t want to look like an idiot, and b) I don’t want to get hit by a car; therefore, for my sake, the city should fix the pedestrian traffic lights.

I’m not sure how many lights are defective. I could do the research, but I just watched an old episode of “Are You Afraid of the Dark?” and frankly, I’m too scared to leave my room. All I know is most of the lights I run into during my walks to class never change. If they do change, their timing is worse than me trying to do the Soulja Boy.

Then there’s that awkward feeling you get when you cross the street even when the light screams “Do Not Walk!” and a police cruiser is stopped at the intersection. You, as a result, feel like you’re smuggling Pablo Escobar’s smack into Miami, even though you know you’re doing nothing wrong. I sometimes have premonitions regarding the series of events that would unfold if one of our fine policemen were to give me a jaywalking ticket during the aforementioned situation. It usually ends in me giving said police officer a People’s Elbow in the middle of the intersection. Then, I spit on the ticket, slap it on the officer’s forehead and call him a jabroni.

To be honest, I don’t want to look like an idiot. I don’t want to give a police officer the People’s Elbow because our police force is one of the best around. So please, DeKalb, fix the lights.

Dylan Weaver
junior business management major